I wish I had a really good story to tell about why I haven’t posted in a month, like that I got detained on the way out of the Dominican Republic by the Policia Turista (the tourist police, although I have no doubt I spelled that wrong) who all the locals in the Dominican Republic swear are mafiosos. And how they spent days beating me up in a small windowless room underneath the airport until I finally caved and admitted to being a drug mule. But no. Nothing cool like that ever happens to me.

Still, I’ve been busy. I’ve accomplished many an important thing since I last posted. I sprained a finger in a foreign country and spent my last two days there walking around with one bloody, Shrek-sized hand. I lost $200 at the casino conveniently located right next door to our hotel. And I wasn’t even playing with foreign currency, so it’s not like I didn’t know how badly I was doing. I got lost trekking from the all-night pizza joint back to our hotel room because the boyfriend and I got in a fight and he stalked off. Lest you think he was being a douche by leaving me, the pizza joint was on the resort property and I had a room key. Also, it was like our third day there. It took me 45 minutes of drunken stumbling in various directions, but I found our room eventually, thereby illustrating my innate sense of direction. In another moment of personal brilliance, I got a little too confident in my Spanish skills and accidentally told a shopkeeper that me and my boyfriend “are pregnant” when what I meant to say was that we “are drunk,” all whilst he was pouring us something like our tenth shot.

So yeah, good trip. And just so you don’t think all my recent adventures were on foreign soil, I’ve been pretty busy since I came home, too. I had several doctor’s appointment pertaining to the aforementioned sprained finger and other vacation misadventures. I shook off my usual Grinch-y temperament and actually put up decorations. I’ve baked and eaten an obscene amount of holiday baked goods, including two trays of peppermint bark that I made for an event that I didn’t end up going to. I’ve done at least 4 loads of laundry. In a month. I’m sure you can imagine what my closet looks like right now. Most importantly, however, I’ve been busy welcoming this little girl into the world.

BUT, all that said, it’s still been a freaking MONTH since I last posted. And I realize that all four of you actually reading this blog may be tired of clicking on the site to see the same tired post about my feathery crotch. So I’m making it my New Year’s Resolution to begin posting with some semblance of regularity. Until then, I promise nothing.